Where did I leave off, when I was blogging on a regular basis? Was it before I went to Florida the second time? It's all a blur, and the Maison de Papillon is no help to me because to go back and rummage through it all is confusing.

Came back from Florida the second time after several months, there was serious addiction that I knew about ahead of time, and was prepared for, and it was a real-life "I'm on a mission from God" sort of thing. Hey, after a few years of personal blogging, I am totally rid of all self-consciousness and shame. I say what I mean and mean what I say (more or less.)

So I came back a ragged mess, and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have come back at all. I fled.

But God redeemed my running home, because 3 days later something tragic happened, and my daughter needed my presence. I was right on time, in a strange kind of way.

A separation, and rehab. Deliverance and healing, all by the hand of God. Answered prayers, freedom. Miracles.

We reunited. And came to our Promised Land, together.

We're both amazed at how different our histories are, yet how parallel our paths run. How the timing is so amazing. How it was so meant to be all along. He is the one I loved as a little girl, my first crush. He's the one I bonded with later on, when he was doing time, through letter writing. And he's the one I married 2 years ago when he took my face in his big hands and looked into my eyes and asked me to be his wife. To take his name. To share his life with him. I said yes, following my heart before my brain could kick in. My brain had it's say a few months later, creating a year long separation. It hasn't been easy. It wasn't a picture-perfect situation from the beginning, but the whole deal has been faithfully submitted to God in prayer, over and over again, through a mixture of tears and rejoicing, and everything in between. The finished product is a very real and solid love, that's growing every day. It's a mature kind of feeling, new to me. I know for a fact I've never known anything like this. I'm ok with the fact that God had me wait this long in life to experience this. Or maybe it was my own doing, this wait, not His. That's ok too. If you're not ready, you're not ready.

We came together at a crucial time in both of our lives, when we needed each other the most, yet didn't know it. I thought I was going to rescue him from his pit, but he ended up rescuing me from mine. I helped him with mental bondage, he helped me with a more physical form of it... as in, he got me the hell out of there.

It's been hard, especially when we weren't together, and there were a few times I thought there was no hope left. But we held on, and the rewards are bountiful. It's a clean and simple life. On solid, high, safe ground. We are established in the Lord, both personally and as a couple. I never knew this is what marriage felt like. Or was supposed to feel like. I would have wanted this along time ago if I knew it could be like this. Why did I avoid it all those years?

We read in the Bible and pray together, not every morning, because we're not religious, no, but we maintain our faith and we thank God each time we eat. He says, thank you God, thank you Baby, and I laugh. That's his prayer. So I started saying it too.

We eat good food but simple. Our oven is gas so everything tastes extra good, especially the baked chicken. You'd think I'd be fat on all the grub we eat but no, I'm not. I'm actually liking being in my 40's very much.

My hair is long. Baby, don't ever cut it again, he told me. I won't.